Can you imagine meeting a friend’s gorgeous 5-year-old daughter for the first time and seeing her dressed in an adorable pink nightgown and not commenting at all on her appearance?
No, “Wow! Aren’t you the most adorable thing ever in that pretty pink outfit?”
No, “You look so pretty!”
Nope, not one word about any of that.
There is a great Huffington Post article that posted on June 22 by Lisa Bloom titled “How to Talk to Little Girls,” in which Bloom writes about meeting such a little girl and squelching her urge to comment on the darling girl’s appearance. Bloom is a firm believer that too much emphasis is placed on girls’ looks and not on their minds. So when she talks to girls–both little and not so little–she doesn’t comment on their appearance. Ever.
Instead, she asks them what book they are reading. She will ask them their opinions on current events. She asks them if they had a magic wand how would she fix what bothers her about the world.
Hmmm… what a novel concept.
I’ve tried very hard and very consciously not to pass on my weight issues to my daughter by never saying the word "diet" and lying to her by saying I exercise to stay healthy (healthy schmealthy, I just want to be skinny!), but I always tell my daughter that she’s pretty. I tell her when she looks nice. I compliment her the two times a month she actually brushes her hair, and tell her daily how much I love the color of her eyes.
Yes, I do compliment her mind as well. I’ve always tried to balance complimenting her looks with complimenting her wonderfully creatively brilliant mind, and I actually think I do a pretty good job of that.
But what about other girls? I’m trying to recall a time in the recent past that I’ve complimented another girl on something other than her appearance.
I love your haircut, That’s such a cute outfit, Wow your eyes look so blue when you wear that dress–all just come flowing out of my mouth with such ease, but I can’t quite recall the last time I asked a girl what book she was reading or what concerns she had about the world around her.
I’m sure that I have. (I hope that I have.) But sadly nothing comes to mind.
So, I’m going to try it. I can’t promise that I will never compliment another girl on her appearance (especially my daughter), but I’m going to do my best to squelch the urge. The next time I meet a young girl or see one that I already know, whether she is five or fifteen, instead of saying, “Your eyes are so pretty,” I’m going to say, “What book are you reading?” or maybe “What changes would you like to see in the world?”
Because when ABC News reports that nearly half of all three to six-year-old girls worry about being fat, then I know we are doing something wrong. And I want to help the future women of this world by doing something right.
Yes, I do think it’s important for girls and for women to feel good about the way they look and to feel beautiful. But it’s even more important that they know the most beautiful thing about them is their wonderfully creatively brilliant minds.
No, “Wow! Aren’t you the most adorable thing ever in that pretty pink outfit?”
No, “You look so pretty!”
Nope, not one word about any of that.
There is a great Huffington Post article that posted on June 22 by Lisa Bloom titled “How to Talk to Little Girls,” in which Bloom writes about meeting such a little girl and squelching her urge to comment on the darling girl’s appearance. Bloom is a firm believer that too much emphasis is placed on girls’ looks and not on their minds. So when she talks to girls–both little and not so little–she doesn’t comment on their appearance. Ever.
Instead, she asks them what book they are reading. She will ask them their opinions on current events. She asks them if they had a magic wand how would she fix what bothers her about the world.
Hmmm… what a novel concept.
I’ve tried very hard and very consciously not to pass on my weight issues to my daughter by never saying the word "diet" and lying to her by saying I exercise to stay healthy (healthy schmealthy, I just want to be skinny!), but I always tell my daughter that she’s pretty. I tell her when she looks nice. I compliment her the two times a month she actually brushes her hair, and tell her daily how much I love the color of her eyes.
Yes, I do compliment her mind as well. I’ve always tried to balance complimenting her looks with complimenting her wonderfully creatively brilliant mind, and I actually think I do a pretty good job of that.
But what about other girls? I’m trying to recall a time in the recent past that I’ve complimented another girl on something other than her appearance.
I love your haircut, That’s such a cute outfit, Wow your eyes look so blue when you wear that dress–all just come flowing out of my mouth with such ease, but I can’t quite recall the last time I asked a girl what book she was reading or what concerns she had about the world around her.
I’m sure that I have. (I hope that I have.) But sadly nothing comes to mind.
So, I’m going to try it. I can’t promise that I will never compliment another girl on her appearance (especially my daughter), but I’m going to do my best to squelch the urge. The next time I meet a young girl or see one that I already know, whether she is five or fifteen, instead of saying, “Your eyes are so pretty,” I’m going to say, “What book are you reading?” or maybe “What changes would you like to see in the world?”
Because when ABC News reports that nearly half of all three to six-year-old girls worry about being fat, then I know we are doing something wrong. And I want to help the future women of this world by doing something right.
Yes, I do think it’s important for girls and for women to feel good about the way they look and to feel beautiful. But it’s even more important that they know the most beautiful thing about them is their wonderfully creatively brilliant minds.
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